Well yesterday at work around 4 o'clock, i had been doing the usual. I was sitting out behind the shop, smoking... It was my 7th cigarette of the day. I was fine until one of my good friends, Meho, said, "It kills me to see you throw your life away," i was somewhat flabergasted... I thought to myself, i'm not throwing my life away, whats he talking about. "Its really hard to see someone your age smoking and pretty much trying to be a smoker" he continued. "I'm no saint, but if i could go back 20 years ago and never start smoking, i probably wouldn't be working here. I started thinking more, he was right, smoking really is stupid, and no matter how good the buzz, it will just leave you wanting more, and thats how an addiction starts.
By yesterday I was fully blown addicted to tobacco. At the beginning of the summer, i bought a tin of Chew, to celebrate the end of the school year. I know some of my friends knew what flavor it was, so i would continue to buy that flavor, to cover up the fact that i chewed. On the outside, i thought people who chewed were hard, and inwardly, i wanted to be hard. After the Dominican Republic, I started smoking cause it was quicker and easier than chewing. Once the week of surf city rolled around, i had been smoking a little less than a pack a day. I was at the lowest of lows. My addiction to tobacco kept me away from jesus.
Yesterday, i decided to end it all. I decided that jesus, and the realationships that i have with my friends, are more important than anything. Even trying to fit in with the croud. I had always though that the kids who smoked looke cool. And i wanted to be like that. I ended it all yesterday. I got in a feuded argument with one of my mentors about something that i couldn't admit was a problem. At that point, i really just wanted a cigarette, and i feel really stupid for even getting in that argument.
The next month will be incredibally difficult for many reasons. I picked a bad time to quit smoking, School is getting into full swing and thats what i need to focus on. But the only thing that i will be able to focus on is smoking. My withdrawal will be intense, and hard, and i won't get very much sleep. Luckily, i have awesome friends who love me and will help me get through this. The # 1 thing that i need to focus on through all this is Jesus. He will have made me go through this for a reason. I think its to help me become a leader. Please don't feel offended in any way if i am mean to you through this next month or so. Right now i have a huge headache, and i will tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day.
